Parents who claim to never lie to their children are, at best, misinformed. From Santa Claus to the Tooth Fairy, to saying that all kindergartners go to bed at 7 o’clock, and insisting that the chickens on the farm aren’t the same as the ones on our dinner plate—many of these white lies are harmless. However, some lies we tell, no matter how well-intentioned, can cause more harm than good.
I learned this lesson the hard way.
When I was 11, I underwent a painful, complex procedure to correct a discrepancy in the length of my legs. Surgeons spent 13 hours drilling into my bones, attaching an external frame from my hip to my toe, and stretching my leg over two years. The pain was intense—requiring morphine, opioids, Valium, and muscle relaxants. However, before the surgery, when I asked if it would hurt, the only answer I remember was, “Don’t worry, we have ways to manage any unpleasantness.” What followed shattered my trust in doctors and left me questioning the honesty of adults.
Now, as a parent and someone who works in healthcare, I’ve made a conscious decision to never lie about pain, even for routine events like vaccinations. I always tell my children the truth—yes, it may hurt.
Many parents, however, prefer to reassure their children instead. Since they can’t stop the pain, they offer comfort with well-meaning statements like, “This won’t hurt” or “Don’t worry, it’s nothing.” But when the pain inevitably comes, those reassurances often feel like betrayals. The emotional harm caused by these lies is deeper and longer-lasting than the temporary discomfort of the medical intervention itself.
While we might sugarcoat things to make ourselves feel better, this approach often ends up backfiring. Research has shown that children experience greater distress and fear after being reassured with misleading statements like “There’s nothing to worry about” before a vaccination. In contrast, children whose parents give them an honest preview of what to expect tend to fare better. In fact, children who were told they would experience a “medium amount” of pain during an ear piercing reported a better experience than those who received no information beforehand.
Parents often lie out of a desire to protect their children from discomfort, not out of malice. We want to shield them from pain, but in doing so, we fail to recognize their resilience. Children can handle more than we often give them credit for, and when we prepare them for what’s to come, they’re better equipped to face the challenge.
Before my children get their blood drawn, I tell them it will feel like a big pinch. Before any other nonroutine medical procedures, I make sure they know exactly what will happen. They understand that there are no surprises, except in emergencies. This transparency builds trust, encouraging them to ask questions and fostering a sense of security in knowing they will get honest answers—no matter how uncomfortable.
As author John Green once wrote, “Pain demands to be felt.” It’s something we can’t avoid, but we can help our children face it with confidence. Rather than shielding them from the truth, we should acknowledge pain when it comes, because the worst thing we can do is betray their trust. In the end, the truth will hurt them far less than the lie.